Retardo and the Iron Golem Problem 1: ---------- Be careful! Now Retardo, spears are dangerous to anyone the pointy end is pointed at! So are rocks when they are above you! Wait, you don't even know how to use that sword, do you? That's fine, you can lure anyone closer with the use of yourself. Area 2: ------- Stop and think! The guard can kill you after crossing the bridge, so..? .Okay, that worked. So, so much fake blood! (Is he a satire on simple/stupid main characters, or just a product of the whole setting's irreverence? I'm overworked enough as it is) Place 3: -------- Hey! Listen! That guard looks well-armoured. His only weapon is that cart of sharp objects, but don't pick any of them up, nor eat them. Oh, that bell will not alert more guards, as they are all too busy looking for walkthroughs to simple games rather than playing them. Once the way is clear, you can - I don't think that was necessary, though. Screen 4: --------- Wait up! Boxes are helpful in most games except when they're so precariously placed. Oh, I remember that guard: his neurosis was that, if he'd see something turned off, he'd habitually turn it back on. You could distract him with that and sneak pas- Retardo? What are you doing with that machine? The door and the switch to- oh my... Oh no... 5, 6 & 7? --------- Not now! First, read the Mine Cart Safety Walkthrough: Do not jump in your mine cart, except to avoid exploding barrels and holes; make sure everywhere around the mine cart is clear; keep everything in the mine cart until it stops; if you must bend things to jump a gap, make sure to land safely! It's hard being the only clear-thinking character sometimes. Number 8: --------- Ugh, how can I have been through a whole pack by n- Hm? The ad's over? Um, Stay sharp! Retardo, what did I tell you about not jumping? I suppose can help you directly this time, but not much: there's that gear in the lower grass and that lever next to the platform elevator... Just try not to do anything more mindlessly violent than usual. Level 9: -------- Retardo? do you remember that lantern in Screen 4? Do you remember how water isn't just used for waking the sleeping? Did you know how that I can open that door as well as close it? Can you guess how easy it is to trip over things in the dark? Do I have to spell it out for you? Stage 10: --------- This isn't the last one? Where did I put my boo- Oi! Retardo! I've helped that man before: he's lazy, and will use the closest thing at hand. Since the catapult is closer to him than the pile of cannonballs (for a catapult?), you can use the tar and - No! No! Sneak by him, sneak by- Why oh why did I agree to this? Scene the Eleventh: ------------------ ... I suppose death and blood is the only thing for it, eh? Fine, there's a wagon to your right, a rope to your left, and one of those wooden stakes can be jimmied free. Go have your bloody revenge and let me get back to granting insights to panicked students and rushed journalists! ...Who in their right minds would call this gory, gibbering mess "for kids of all ages"..? I suppose, considering this setting, that the question didn't need to be asked. So the Fairy of Clarity of Thought flew off as fast as she could, welcoming the day someone would say, "I don't believe in fairies" to her face.